I lay my head on his chest as he ran his fingers down my side, wraping me in his warm embrace. I could hear his heart, still racing.

I pressed my lips against his collar bone kissing gently as I moved down to his chest.

"I love you", he whispered, as he kissed my forehead.

I looked up into his beautiful eyes and smiled.

I kissed his neck as I ran my fingers over his abs down to his trunks.

His masculine scent was so overwhelming, his warmth so inviting,

I ran my tongue up his neck to his jaw and kissed him again.

I wanted him.

He wanted me.

I loved him.

He loved me.

I closed my eyes as he his lips met mine, so soft, so hot.

My hand slid into his trunks as his tongue slid into my mouth...

...and then I woke up.

When will my dreams turn to reality?

Let me introduce you to Quemas, one of my favourite photographers and models.
His work amazes me.
His shots are so powerful and unique.
Every photograph tells a story.

Quemas.

I really don't think I'm taking full advantage of living in this city.

Even though I've only been here for two months, I need to start doing more things here.

I need to get out and about and meet people.

I need to come out from the underground.

I dont know what to do, im really confused.

It seems like ive spent most of my teen years confused about this problem.
Its so hard being to halves of nothing.

I am attracted to girls, there's one I have in mind. She's really beautiful.

But I don't think I can be bothered to chase her or work to get a relationship.
Do you always have to?

Why cant the right girl, one who i actually like, come along and like me?

So far the past 4 girls that have shown an interest in me have not been my type or I've not liked them.
I just cant seem to find anyone whos my type who I actually like.

And as well as being attracted to them I can see myself with them, kissing and spending
time and maybe more - obviously that builds on the foundations of a relationship so after
my feelings for them develop I would be able to see it more clearly.

But at the same time im attracted to guys and while I would like a girlfriend I long for male
companionship in that way, in terms of love and affection. I think about being with a guy
in affectionate ways - hugging, kissing, cuddling, and long for that too.

And I day dream about having a boyfriend. I have done for so long.

I dont really think about sex much with either sex, but im more of a making love
not meaningless fucking kind of guy - that is special and so I'd build up to it in a
relationship, as I said before.

Back to my original point, I'm confused. in the same way that right now I dont feel I want
to chase a relationship with a girl, I dont want to with a guy either - and that is so
much harder anyway, but with a guy I imagine it just happening, after the initial hurdle of
meeting someone.

There seems so much pressure to have a girlfriend too with everyone either having someone
or liking someone.

And in the long term - what do I do?
Im young and have the whole of my twenties to find a girl to settledown and start a family
with (because I know for sure thats what I want) but I feel I need to experience both
kinds of relationship before that to satisy my curiousity.

oh I dont know, I dont know, I just dont know!

God I really need to get into shape.

Look at that perfect body, those abs. And those arms.

Wow.

Just some of the thoughts that ran through my head as read through "Hot & Bothered" in the latest edition of Upstreet Magazine today.

Anyone whose seen the pictures will know what I'm on about.

I've had thoughts like these countless times in the past.
They're part of the classic "does this mean I'm attracted to men?" question, seeing extremely good-looking models like that and thinking, "do I want him? Or do I want to look like him?"

To tell the truth, I'm not quite sure.
I think it's a bit of both.

What I am sure of though, is that I have to join a gym.

My life...

COMING SOON!

For now, an introduction:

I am not a doctor yet.
Infact I have quite a way to go still.
I just like the name 'Citydoc'.

Whilst trying not to categorise this blog before it's even taken off, it will focus only on certain aspects of my life, mainly that of love...or lack of.

Despite being bisexual, I am not promiscious. I like my candy one at a time.

Why don't you come and join me on this journey to find a nice girl or boy to love and be loved by?